Who even eCares about the eLympics anymore?
To win and survive is the fundamental human desire. Who wants to lose? No one does.
It’s been a while since someone eWhacked a random e in front of a word to appeal to the bloody millennials! If you had to place a wager though it comes as little surprise it’s the IOC and the Olympics.
Thought I’d have a bit of light-hearted fun looking over the Olympics announcement. I’ll definitely watch it to be fair, and I’ll explain why.
Plus, pour one out for the Omnipotent.
*Leans back in rocking chair, slippers on, cigar lit, eFireplace whirring*
Back in the day, there was little better than getting mad at the Olympics and their random efforts to put esports into games.
AngryEsportsGateKeeper101: “Activate PROPERLY”
AngrierEsportsGateKeeper102: “YOU eSPELL IT esports NOT eSports!”
AngriestEsportsGateKeeper103: “YOU WON’T ACCEPT CS:GO BECAUSE OF THE GAME’S THEME BUT SHOOTING IS ACTUALLY AN OLYMPIC DISCLIPLINE??? WHO DID YOU EVEN TALK TO??????????”
Despite my youthful looks, wonderful skin and far from receding hairline, I have turned 30 (I know, right?).
Having been more of an industry observer and analyst for two years I am just a lot more tranquil and realise there’s just no point in getting mad at this.
Obviously esports is going to be bigger than the Superbowl (or maybe it is, I haven’t read the latest thin-air figures), so the Olympics are mere minnows!
But by getting mad, and getting CS:GO into the Olympics, what exactly are you going to achieve anyway?
I’m pretty confident that anyone that screams about CS:GO or Dota 2 being in the Olympics would then not even watch the inevitable tier 3 product that is showcased because pro players don’t care about medals. I’ve said it before, cobbling together national teams in games as nuanced strategically as the biggest esports is daft and the product would be far from top tier.
Say the eLympics are just before TI, no pro player is going to divulge strats or want to play for their country for the sake of a medal. Sure if included it may be good for grass roots, there may be funding made available, but also you potentially fall into the utterly tedious politics of the IOC. That’s probably where the “CONSULT ESPORTS PEOPLE” argument ends.
It’s just a bit…. weird?
I’ll rank these games now by how much I want to watch them and why:
Dance (Just Dance). The Just Dance World Championships is unreal. It’s been going since 2014, so that’s before Rocket League was even released. Diegho San, a now 33 year old Brazilian won 2014 and 2015, before Umutcan Tütüncü took over the Just Dance scene.
2019 was the lads THREEPEAT. The Just Dance GOAT. And the Olympics is going to revive it. Good on em. Turkey well positioned.
Motor Sport (Gran Turismo). It’s Gran Turismo, not that bad to watch. Likely to be up there with the most competitive titles, and definitely will have the highest tech rigs assuming it’s done properly.
Chess (Chess.com). As it’s the esports series, there obviously can’t be a physical chess board involved. So I hope we get two players sitting opposite each other, iPad in hand glaring at the opponent. Spectacle guaranteed.
Cycling (Zwift). You have to be fit as a fiddle to do Zwift (from what I understand, I clearly don’t often adorn the lycra). Go cycling up and down mountains without being in the mountains. Going to be a ‘unique approach to mixed gender racing’ so let’s see what they come up with. Suggestion: change Zwift maps to Mario Kart maps, cheeky bit of cycling on Rainbow Road would be a corker for a viewer).
Taekwondo (Virtual Taekwondo). So this is an invitational, where 16 of the best up and coming Taekwondo athletes are invited to compete. Going to assume it’s VR then. It’s like weird grassroots Taekwondo. Will be good quality Taekwondo then, and I’m looking forward to seeing how on earth that’s broadcast, sounds a good chuckle.
Archery (Tic Tac Bow). Mobile archery meets noughts and crosses. Now, esports innovators, put that in your pipe and smoke it. None of you would have seen it coming. It’s a new mobile game developed by a company that coincidentally is running some sort of games incubator / video game dev awards/conference in Singapore the same week. Project 99. Apparently looks fairly pay-to-win. Potential medal chance for Ollie Ring if you pay for my premium substack… (/s)
Tennis (Tennis Clash). Another two finger mobile game, this time with Tennis. Looks quite play to win. Wish I could customise my avatar more. Maybe that’ll come if I spend more money. It’s not quite Virtua Tennis. What a game that was. I do wonder if the poor 16 unreal Zwift athletes are going to sit there utterly bemused by the Tennis Clash competitors sitting there playing a fairly one dimensional tennis mobile game.
Sailing (Virtual Regatta). Rather watch paint dry.
Baseball (WBSC eBASEBALL: POWER PROS). Rather watch Virtual Regatta.
Legitimately, if I remember it’s on then I’ll tune in. I don’t really understand why it’s not a bolt-on to an actual Olympics event? It’s not going to drive astronomical viewership, and it’s all going to look a bit weird.
Let’s let the IOC experiment and see what comes of it, and stop getting mad because at least they’re not ruining your favourite intellectual property with some random approach.
And let’s be real, you’re not competing with the Olympics for sponsors with your random esports org are you?
The good news is you can compete in multiple game titles. I will officially rule myself out of the Heptathlon, but when they add in the Fishing Simulator next year, I’ll endeavour to be the first eGB eDecathlete.
Finally, let’s pour one out for the IEOC. Surely this is the nail in the coffin. I realise some people might not know about the IEOC, but here’s a few screenshots of their presentation deck. To this day, the best ‘investor’ deck I’ve seen. Chuck us a free sub and I’ll send you it.
The true pioneers.
Everything has an end, too.
